In this blog, Jess (not her real name), a parent who has now been reunited with her children, writes about her experiences with children’s social care throughout her life – and how the right social workers supported her to get to a place where her children could return home.

After spending my childhood in the care system and finding myself in vulnerable and dangerous situations, which eventually meant my two children were placed in care, I have been working with reunification workers to make sure my children were able to come back to live with me. It has not been an easy or short process, but finding the right support meant that I could move forward and make changes. That’s why I’m writing this blog – to help others who have been, or are, in my situation.

I wasn’t ready to be a fully independent adult when I left care at 16. I was vulnerable and traumatised by past experiences, and found myself in dangerous situations, including abusive relationships. The abuse got to the point that it wasn’t safe for my young children. I tried to ask for help; however, I felt that I had no support from any services. Eventually I agreed for my children to be taken into foster care, this was to make sure they were safe. Still, when my children were taken into care, I received no support for a long time, and no discussions about reunification or when the children would be returned to my care.

During the time my children were in care, I maintained contact with them, spending time together in the community. However, it took around two years before reunification was considered for me and my children. This is why I feel that local authorities should get involved much earlier, to provide support for parents like me when they most need it.

The Reunification Practice Guide sets out the best available evidence for those working with families through reunification. There are many aspects of this Guide that resonate with my experience of being reunified with my children.

My involvement with reunification workers started around a year or so ago, after two years of waiting. This delay was really distressing for both my children and me. During this time I felt like no one was listening to me, we had a number of different social workers and I was very frustrated with the situation.

Then, my children were allocated a social worker who changed things. Step by step, I feel that she went above and beyond, and this really made a difference to our lives. I could see how she kept her word, she meant what she said, and I built a relationship of trust with her.

Then I was introduced to two practitioners from the reunification team, they got the ball rolling for the children to actually come home. I remember the first meeting: we looked at pros and cons of the situation; they considered what the problems were, what support I needed, and what we could build on.

I worked closely with the social work team: it felt like we were all working to the same goal, and everyone was on my side. This made a difference, as I trusted the people I was working with and I knew what the plan was and what needed to be done, this provided structure and was helpful. I felt like I was being included in decisions and plans. It’s great to see that the Practice Guide places so much importance on partnership, trust, and shared decision-making: these were key for me to make progress, and I’m hopeful that more and more parents will receive the same support as I did.

Although I’m grateful for the help I eventually received, I feel that that support from social services could have come sooner. Local authorities should take steps to offer support that fits families’ needs and to be flexible. This might include both practical things and emotional support. For example, for many people, including myself, housing is a massive issue, but having everyone working around me to support me and to move us as quickly as possible is important. This house holds lots of negative memories and is also not practical for us now that the children have grown up.

I feel that counselling and emotional support need to be put in straight away and ongoing to help the children with their experiences of foster care. This is why ongoing support from reunification services is vital – things can arise at any time. My children have also told me that they love having the support, as it’s a safety net for both them and me, helping with the practical side of things and the emotional too.

I am now happy that I have been given the chance to work with reunification services, and I am grateful for everything they have done and are still doing to support. I would like senior leaders in local authorities to understand that children’s social care is there to support families with their needs and to bring hope.

Go to the Reunification Practice Guide.